12 Jokes to Start the New Year

[ashurstdave]

1. Q. - Where's the population of this country most dense?
A. - From the neck up.

2. Q. - If you came second in a star gazing contest, what do you get?
A. - A constellation prize.

3. An Irishman went into a shoe shop and asked for one wellington
boot. The sales assistant asked him why only one.
His reply - "I've just got a new job today, and the boss said that I'll
be working in one foot of water!"

4. Have you heard about the latest train being introduced? It's going to be
so fast that it will get you from London to Glasgow before the fares go
up!

5. A friend of mine has just got himself promotion in his council job - as a
grass cutter in a cemetry. He now works above everybody's heads!

6. Q. - Have you ever been in a railway accident?
A. - Yes - I once went through a tunnel and kissed the father instead
of the daughter!

7. "Doctor, doctor - my family think I'm mad."
"Why?"
"Because I like sausages."
"Nonsense, I like sausages as well."
"Really? - You must come round and see my collection."

8. Q. - What is the definition of "nothing" ?
A. - A balloon without it's skin.

9. Q. Why does a Frenchman only likes to eat one egg for breakfast?
A. Because un oeuf is un oeuf.

10. Did you hear about the Irishman who thought Royal Enfield was where
the Queen kept her chickens?

11. Q. - How do you keep an Irishman happy for hours?
A. - Write P.T.O. on both sides of a sheet of paper.

12. A man, driving a car, with his wife in the back seat, stalled the car
on a level crossing, just as a train came charging down the line.
"Go On! Go On!" shouted the wife frantically.
"You've been driving all day from the back seat" retorted the
husband.
"I've got my end of the car across - now see what you can do with
yours".

[class47]

very good, don't give up the day job though!!!!

[73109]

cheers dave